[Patti] Ms. Hartman I’m sorry but you’ve run out of funds And you’ve got to go You have to get your things and leave [Katie] What!? No I–I have money [Patti] You HAD money But you’ve been ordering dumplings everyday on seamless And drunk shopping on Etsy for the past forty-five years so… It’s time to go [Katie] But…I was hungry and I– I needed the twin peaks panty set [Patti] You have to get out… If you’re hungry there is a Harry Potter themed Italian fusion restaurant across the street I would start there
You can go there… [Katie] Do they take credit [Patti] They do not… [Katie] It’s an age old question to save or to spend I do want future me to be financally comfortable I want present me though to have Netflix Life is hard Should I be planning for retirement…? [Erin] I’m Erin Lowry I’m a millennial money expert As well as the author of Broke Millennial [Walter] My name is Walter Deforest I’m an artist [Katie] You don’t have a bank account? [Walter] No [Katie] I’ve got to decided this whole thing…today And if I decide to start saving money for my future I will be investing it all with Smaug The dragon turned accountant who will keep it safe And potentially grow it for my retirement [Smaug] I’ll keep your precious money safe And if I choose just to live free and loose with all my cash I’m going to take my besties *Cheers* [Dave] What’s Sup Babe!! Out to Brunch every single weekend until I don’t have anything left You don’t have a bank account…why not!? [Walter] Well, number one I don’t trust the banks A couple years back the IRS… Took my bank– Or seized my bank account So I was just like… F*ck it [Katie] You’re essentially off the grid financially? [Walter] I’m off the grid financially [Katie] And do you have a credit card? [Walter] No credit card [Katie] WOW…Free and easy [Walter] Uh no, it’s not easy [Katie] Free and excruciatingly hard [Walter] Yeah [Katie] Okay, is everything just in cash? [Walter] Yeah [Katie] Follow up question… What is your address and how are your locks? [Katie] Erin, when did you start planning the future? [Erin] I was probably eight [Katie] Shuuutt-uppp [Erin] Not kidding I used to babysit this demonic cat that lived next door I would get, I don’t know ten bucks for a weekend And I would take that money back And I had a candy tin, that I would hide in my closet And I would shove the money into this said candy tin Later started opening up bank accounts And now I have… Like four savings accounts Three checking accounts And eight credit cards [Katie] Are you interested in money? [Walter] Well, you need money to go do things and… I’m planning… A world tour in a sense, so [Katie] With your show? [Walter] Yes [Katie] But for you to go traveling… Like to other countries [Walter] Yeah How does that work? [Walter] You got to have a friend who will buy a ticket for you But it’s embarrassing to ask somebody for help [Katie] What if I do it and I put all my money And it’s all in like, the 401K’s Or it’s all in the banks And then, the World’s economy collapses And I really should of just been investing in guns, and vials of plasma [Walter] Yeah… [Erin] Well, there’s insurance on your money People think it’s kind of like a gringotts Harry Potter situation Where you put your money in It’s staying somewhere locked in a vault That’s not how banks work [Katie] How you doing over there dragon? You counting them coins!? [Smaug] I reccomend Roth IRA [Katie] You’re doing good! [Katie] Do you feel you have to sacrafice fun To have a secure future? [Erin] Yes and No You can’t indulge in everything you’re interested in [Katie] But that flying squirrel suit looks AWESOME on me [Erin] Then save up for it [Walter] But I waste my money on other things too like uh… Have a beer…
I’ll get another cheeseburger, but [Katie] You dirty dog [Walter] Yeah [Katie] What do you splurge your money on? [Erin] So I adopted a senior Dog He has his own bank account [Katie] NO!! YOUR DOG HAS HIS OWN BANK ACCOUNT?
WALTER!! [Erin] That he doesn’t contribute to [Katie] Walter…choose between these two options One cake now to share with all of your friends Or In thirty years you get A HUNDRED CAKES [Walter] I’m not going to live another thirty years So give me a cake! [Katie] YEAH!! Give me that cake now! [Alyssa] I need SIX more sides of avocado! With no pepper-flakes [Dave] Like twenty Deviled Eggs, please [Sachi] Oh! And the stuffed French Toast…
Like four of those [Katie] Walter…do you worry about the future? [Walter] No I mean yeah–I mean like I do but uh… I think it will all work out [Katie] What is your dream board vision of your future, of retirement, is there one? [Walter] There is not one [Katie] No…? [Walter] I don’t know how you feel about that one *Violin plays* [Katie] Please rate the following physical investments With a BAD, OK, and GOOD [Erin] Good [Erin] Good [Erin] OK [Katie] If you found a million dollars in a duffle bag in Central Park right now Would you then open a bank account to put that in? [Walter] Probably I mean we’re all going to die anyways We can’t take anything with us [Katie] Now it’s time for the game SCRATCH OR SAVE! They say a bird in the hen is worth two in the bush But, how can one quantify hope? How can one quantify… *Strains* Excitement! Erin [Erin] Yes You have TWO dollars! [Walter] You have a TWO dollar scratch off Let’s see who has more fun… And BEGIN! Walter, okay we both know that you’re probably not going to win this, right? [Walter] You’ve got to come with a good attitude [Katie] Okay! Walter we’re going to F*CKING WIN THIS! [Walter] YEAH!! [Erin] I’m just going to have them like–kind of talk to each other We’re kind of doing a play So this is George Washington [Walter] TWENTY-SEVEN!! [Katie] HOLY SH*T!!! [Erin] Look at that! [Katie] Is this how much you won!? [Walter] Well no, we’re looking towards that, double that money [Erin] NOW…if you invest it! [Katie] Entertain me cause we’ve got to make this fun as F*CK! AWW MAN!! That’s Great! [Erin] Five seconds of the strip club!!! [Walter] TWENTY SEVEN!
TWENTY SEVEN! [Katie] Holy Sh*t! You’ve won TEN dollars from a TWO dollar scratch off Walter how much fun did you just have!? [Walter] That was so much fun cause I didn’t buy it [Erin] It’s all profit [Katie] Guys! Thanks so much for playing scratch or save! This seems like we had a lot of fun here But I know overall this would be more fun… [Erin] I’m sayin’ [Katie] It is time to make a choice! Bring out… THE DECISION CUBE *Growls & Groans* F*CK IT! I’m going to save some money Future me better F*CKING thank me though! Do I get a house now? [Erin] You can And then pay it off in thirty years Hey! Thanks for watching Please like and subscribe And let me know down in the comments if you think I made the wrong choice Uh…I’m here to deposit For my 401K Right there… Um, actually…you know what? I think I need some money for dumplings tonight [Smaug] No withdrawal for two years! *Hot Flames* [Katie] AHHHH!!! [Smaug] Like, comment, and subscribe