For the first time ever, all four of us will be competing
at the same time. We’ll be sitting in a waiting
room among strangers, secretly trying to
make each other laugh. If you laugh,
you’re eliminated. And the last man standing
will win. ♪♪ [ Cellphone beeping ] [ Whispering ]
2… …4… Representative. Representative. Erectile dysfunction. Erec– Erectile dysfunction. Call back. I’m sorry. Hmm. Hmm. Ah. Hmm. Sorry about that. [ Zipper zips ] Sexy selfie. [ Camera shutter clicks,
camera whirs ] Multiracial selfie. [ Camera shutter clicks,
camera whirs ] [ Belches ] Excuse me.
[ Belches ] You guys all waiting
for a photo shoot, too? -Yeah.
-What do you guys do? Uh, I write. What do you do? If anybody
wants my card. I’m a [bleep] doctor. [ Laughs ] I’m a good gyne. [ Buzzer ] ♪♪ “[Bleep] doctor.” And my whole bag of props,
useless now ’cause he pulled out
“[bleep] doctor.” Damn it. Have you been at your craft
a long time? Six years now.
I’m 40, so it took a while. There was a lot of school. It’s been my experience, you never end up
where you started off at. Yeah, my degree
was finance. Finance? [ Wood knocking ] Sorry? I had an accounting degree
coming out of college, but I don’t do it anymore. [ Laughs ] I was a CPA for a while. Then I got into sales. How’s that working out? It’s great. [ Q laughs ] [ Laughs ] [ Buzzer ]
Q: There you go. Sal’s out. Come on down! Damn it. Two dogs humping?
I thought it was — First of all, your ponytail almost eliminated me
from the walk in. [ Laughs ]
I know. I saw that. Sal:
And then there were two. Uh-oh. Q: [ Laughs ] Did he just fart? Man: Hey.
Are you all right? Yes. I slipped
on the stupid pencils. Q: Oh, you’ve got
to get up and — [ Laughter ] [ Murr laughs ] [ Buzzer ] Q: Oh, Murray’s out! Gatto takes it
with an ass to the face! What an ending! [ Laughter ] Today, we’re getting people’s
opinions about New York City, but the real people
getting docked is us. While giving the survey, the other guys will be
behind that glass wall that becomes see-through
at the flip of a switch. The goal is not to laugh, but when that glass
becomes see-through — Whoo!
Good luck with that. ♪♪ Sal: Right now, you have
a black T-shirt on with a sports jacket
and long hair and scruff. This is what middle-aged
hip looks like, man. I’d like to say
it looks good on you. Eh, you’d like to. I’d like to. [ Laughter ] Murr: Here we go. Fellas. You starting it off? I’m starting it off. All right, Joe. Go give them hell. All right. Name three pros and cons about living
in or near New York City. Um, the pros, you know,
entertainment all over. Murr: What is that?
What is that? Public transit,
you know, really… Where I live,
you kind of need a car, but it’s not necessary. I mean, there are buses
and stuff, so… It’s Joe
being born out of an egg. Um… I don’t think
it’s really too — And it’s kind of dirty,
but nobody thinks it’s — [ Laughter ] Something back there? No, no. There’s a damn fly that’s
been going around all day. Okay, that’s hysterical. We cracked up.
He did a hard smile. Really? He just smiled. He didn’t break. Damn. Describe
your dream apartment. Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go. Well, um, you can get anywhere
quickly by transit. ♪♪ [ Laughter ] Murr: It’s all of
Q’s firemen buddies! [ Laughter ] [ Laughs ] Lots of space, you know? Joe: That’s a laugh. Something like that. Q: Downtown,
they do a lot of that. There is some weird [bleep]
going on in New York City. Got him! Describe Prospect Park. What I like about it most
is that, well, they have
the summer concert
in the summer. [ Laughter ] They have the, like,
bands that play there, so I’ve gone there
for that. Joe: This is our good friend
Bryan Johnson. He’s from the TV show
“Comic Book Men.” Sal: By the way,
he brought his own shorts. That’s true. The, uh —
what’s the — do you understand
the alternate is to laugh? Joe: Yeah! Murr: Got you! Do you understand the alternate side of the street
parking rule at all in New York City? ‘Cause I don’t. I don’t know what’s going on
sometimes. [ Cheers and applause ] Joe: He’s done! ♪♪ ♪♪ I read online
that you could eat it. My favorite snack now. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ Vomit. ♪♪ That’s great. That’s like the “Where’s
the Beef” from the ’80s. I’m the beef.
Yeah. Where’d you get that? This? Jersey Shore. That’s a great shirt. I’m sorry, is there a bathroom
here that I can use? It’s like
straight down. Down that hallway?
Great, thanks. Appreciate it. [ Whirring ] That is cool. That is so cool. ♪♪ Sorry. [ Stifled laughter ] [ Buzzer ] [ Sighs ] [ Buzzer ] Where did you
get that thing? What’s that? What is that thing? It’s great, right?
It’s luggage. Damn it. Damn it. Yeah, it’s called the Modobag. It’s great. Can’t believe
he did that. Modobag? M-O-D-O.
Yeah. [Bleep] you for riding off
on a bag. Hey, how’s it going,
good to see you, pal. -All right, I’m going first.
-Yeah, go get them. Okay. Could you tell me a memory that you have with a pet? I had a dog named Pep. Did you have responsibilities
like change the litter box? Always change the litter box,
walk the dog, clean up after them,
as far as their living quarters. And did you ever go
to a pet park with them? No. No? No. Never?
Okay. No, man. [ Laughs ]
You never got to, huh? [ Laughter ] We got him! I like kittens. Do you agree
that some things, when they’re little,
they’re cute, and then when they grow up,
they turn really ugly? Like a baby ferret,
for instance. No. No. You got the reverse. That’s great. All right, I’m out. Take me through a shopping
experience for you for clothing. I look for things that
I probably say that I like, but not
necessarily very pricey. I’m not interested
in paying more than I need to for something
that nobody’s gonna know it’s a Gucci shirt
or a Van Heusen shirt. If you’re spending more than
50 bucks for this shirt… Yeah, if you spend that much,
you’re a turkey. [ Laughter ] That’s a laugh.
That’s a laugh. [ Laughing ] …maybe I’ll go
a little bit high, but like I said,
I’m not going to… [ Laughs ] Okay, you want
to talk me through going to
the grocery store? Looking for whatever
sales are there. That’s the first thing I always
look for anytime I go somewhere. Q: Oh, what’s this? Wanting to find out
what selection’s on Monday, Wednesday,
and then Friday… Turn over. It’s every two or three days
I go and constantly… [ Laughs ] Usually, it’s the — yeah. Yeah, Joe, he — [ Laughs ] [ Speaking indistinctly ] [ Laughs ] That’s a laugh!
That’s a laugh. [ Laughs ] Oh, man. [ Laughter ] ♪♪ I got a pizza delivery
for a Tanka Jahari? I’m Tanka Jahari, but I would…never order
a whole pizza for myself. I mean,
I’ll take it, but… Here. I mean, you guys
have to believe me. I would never order a whole
pizza just for myself. No. It’s, like, totally not mine,
but I am Tanka Jahari. I mean, I don’t even —
it’s not even my pizza. I don’t even — Oh.
It’s not my pizza. I would never eat
a whole pizza by myself. I would never even eat it.
I would never eat… I’m not gonna, like, not —
not waste food, though. That’s fine, Tanka. [ Sal laughs ] Well, I’m sorry.
Made a mess. It’s not my fault! ♪♪ [ Sighs ] They could get more
comfortable chairs. Joe had to call me Tanka. I get — get bit
by my own joke. ♪♪ I’m fascinated
by the glass. When we thought of this bit, we had no idea
this technology existed. Is that, like, ions? Is that negatively
charged ions? I think it’s magic. [ Laughter ] -Hello. Hi.
-Yeah. Oh, please, have a seat,
Elizabeth. How are you today?
-Good. So, I’ll just be
asking you questions. Let’s go. Where are you from? I grew up in St. Louis. You live
in New York City? Yeah,
so I’m based here now. So, tell me about
your daily eating habits. They’ve gotten better. I used to eat
more junk food. [ Breathing deeply ] You go — you shop in
the same place every week? Yeah, I go —
I have this — I like Italian
at this one place. [ Traditional Japanese
music plays ] That’s just namaste. What social-media sites
are you a member of? Twitter, facebook. -Do you have cable?
-I do. How long have
you had cable for? Um, gosh. Since, like, college. So I always had
a cable Internet connection. I’m a techie,
so, like, I hook — instead of having,
like, cable… Murr: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! [ Laughter ] [ Laughs ] Sorry.
Do you prefer to shop alone or with someone? Don’t do that. Don’t turn around.
Don’t. Like, shopping sucks
-Sorry. There’s a fly. -Oh.
-There’s — a bug got in here. It looked like it was gonna
land on your head. I didn’t…
-Okay. [ Laughs ] -Wow!
-Yeah, I prefer to shop alone. Things are getting real
in here. [ Laughter ] All right, you guys are up. So, luxury brands. So, I had a wallet before
this one, and then, once I had that one
for five years, then I got a new one. So I kind of like
stick with it. -Okay.
-[ Laughing ] Oh, my God. Do your friends use it? Sal:
[ Laughing ] Oh, my God. Do — I mean, not, like,
often, like, I guess, economically speaking,
they don’t have the same, I guess,
income resources as I do. So I think they would love to
if they could afford it. Movies — we didn’t talk
about movies yet, right? Thank God. [ Laughing ]
How did you not laugh? Okay, how often
do you go to the movies? It’s usually, I mean,
twice a month… It’s — it’s Godzilla! …or as much
as once a week. -Oh, my God!
-Aaah! Uh… What’s the last movie
you saw? [ Laughter and applause ] -Aaaah!
-Aaaah! “Wolf of Wall Street.” [ Laughter ] [ Laughs ] [ Buzzer ] [ Laughing ]
-He’s laughing. ♪♪ [ Woman laughs ] A Shake Weight? I ain’t seen one of them
in a long time. They started selling them again.
They’re back. They actually make a bigger one,
too, so it’s… ♪♪ I just do it
when I’m in my waiting rooms. It’s how I get the toned. ♪♪ That’s all it takes —
three minutes a day. It’s good to have
a regimen, though. Woman: Yeah. ♪♪ ♪♪ Woman: Oh, my God. ♪♪ It’s yogurt. It’s an odd choice
to eat out of your fly. I’ll save it for later. ♪♪ [ Cellphone rings ] Oh. That time. ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Laughs ] ♪♪ [ Buzzer ] I’m not staying here anymore. [ Exhales sharply ] ♪♪ Woman: Okay. The hell did I lose again? Do one minute
every three days, yeah, and that’s how I keep
this physique. ♪♪ Q:
Sal brought a human prop? [ Laughs ] [ Child cries ] Woman: That’s your kid? [ Crying ] Q: [ Laughs ] Murr: It’s okay, buddy,
it’s okay. [ Crying ] It’s okay. Q: Sal, you’re gonna make
yourself laugh, you stupid ass! [ Laughs ] You made yourself laugh,
you moron! [ Laughing ] I kamikazed it. ♪♪ Oh, man,
that was unbelievable. [ Laughs ] [ Laughing ]
I got myself… I couldn’t take it. The kid started crying. And now he has to go
the rest of term with a child on his lap? [ Laughs ] His next thing,
he has to do with the kid. Q: Look at those nipples. [ Both laugh ] Sal: Look at Joe’s face —
Joe’s face. Is that amusement?
Is it disgust? Is it bewilderment?
What is that? [ Cellphone rings ] -Ohp.
-Oh, no. Please, God, no. ♪♪ [ Laughs ] ♪♪ Where the [bleep]
are you going? [ Both laugh ] ♪♪ [ Laughter ] [ Sneezes ] [ Laughter ] I eat a half an apple
every four days. [ Both laugh ] Today, we’re at Focus Plus
competing head to head in a focus group as participants
answering a questionnaire. Here’s the catch — the guys
participating in the focus group have written the answers
for each other. At the end, we’ll ask the group to vote on whose answers
were the worst. If the group votes you out,
you lose. [ Laughter ] How you guys doing? Murr: This is our buddy James McCarthy. He is the moderator of this focus group today. Now, Sal wrote
all Joe’s answers, Joe wrote
all Sal’s answers. And the group is gonna vote who they would not have back in the next group. Here we go. Imagine you’re starting
a city from scratch… Jennifer, what’d you have? Joe? Um… I put the man
that made birth control. [ Laughter ] Don’t know his name, but I’m pretty sure
it was a man. But I know his work. [ Laughter ] Q: Look at Sal! Start back down here. I put toothless tigers,
um, could roam the streets so that kids can pet them
and then they can’t bite or anything like that. -What?!
-[ Laughs ] How do you
get their teeth out? A grown tiger’s teeth —
You just pull them? Thank you, yeah. Get her on board. -Joe?
-I would do… I’d have
some serial killer go off, then later,
when things die down — pun intended —
we’d do murder tours. [ Laughs ] What?! I know mine
was outside the box, but to have a serial killer
just go off? Well, it’s really a means to an
end ’cause you really want that. There goes Joe. You really want
that murder-tour money. -[ Laughs ]
-You might not have the funds… Joe looks like a serial killer right now. He does.
Look at his eyes. …knowledge
or with great… [ Laughter ] Sal? I put mostly nice people
but a few bums, too, probably. [ Laughter ] Jennifer? Joe? Of course, I thought
hopefully it’s a melting pot. I’d like to know people
of other races — Indian, Asian, African,
South American, Antarctican, Puerto Rican,
and women. And I thought also
it might be cool to have some winners
of “The Voice” there. Q: [ Laughs ] Sal’s losing it. -Look at Sal.
-Sal’s losing it! [ Laughter ] Tears just
right down his face. You wrote it. How could you find it — ‘Cause hearing Joe say it is
a different thing, right? Karen… Offer them
affordable housing. Fantastic. Joe? The first thing
that came to my mind was I would burn
a neighboring city. Q: [ Laughs ] -Sal.
-Sal. The other thing, actually, is I was thinking, like, a steaming,
giant pile of baked ziti in the center of town. -Of what? Of what?
-Baked ziti. Like a big thing of baked ziti,
Mike, and everybody
could just come and eat it. Murr: [ Laughs ] Sal, what would you do to encourage people
to move to your city? I would have elective
arranged marriage program for hopeless singles
over 33 years old. You love it? Oh, my God! They love Sal’s ideas. Yeah.
He seems so sensitive. -Yeah, well, he was crying.
-And he was crying. [ Both laugh ] James: Great,
so what we’re gonna do now — I just need you guys
to write down the name of the person you would not
bring with you to the city you’d build. I think Joe’s getting voted out. [ Chuckling ]
Yeah, I think so. So, the person the group
wouldn’t bring is… Joe. -[ Laughs ]
-Wow. Nice job, Sal.
Good answers. Nice job, buddy. [ Ding! ] Very good. [ Buzzer ] All right, if you liked —
if you like that, you’re gonna love
“In the Dog House.” A former salesman
with an eating disorder has his life ruined
when his foreign — when his foreign wife can’t stop bringing home bichon
frises and spending money, driving him into madness and murdering
in this harrowing drama. [ Laughing ] It’s Joe!
It’s a description of Joe! -This sounds like —
-My life. I probably would watch it.
Is it a comedy? Make no mistake — there’s
nothing funny about this one. Yeah, this is just
a straight-up drama. [ Both laugh ] You’re up.
I’m gonna take a little time. It’s called “Chillin’
With Mr. Broadway,” and it’s
a multi-cam comedy which brings Morgan Freeman
back to series television as a mythical and mystical
Lord of Broadway. Each episode deals with… [ Laughing ] [ Laughs ]
Continue. [ Laughter ] -Go ahead. It’s great.
-I wanna hear it. Each episode deals
with the Lord of — [ Laughing ] -Hold on.
-Wait for it. [ Laughter ] He’s gone! -Here, I’ll help you out.
-I can’t even read it! Each episode deals
with the Lord of Broadway’s ever-growing harem
of chorus girl and choir boys, in which he secretly
controls New York City’s
financial nucleus. [ Both laugh ] That makes no sense. It’s Morgan Freeman.
You can’t beat. I mean, Morgan Freeman’s
played those kind of roles the last 20 years. Yeah, he plays good roles. [ Both laugh ] So, if you had to pick one, who would you say has
the more marketable ideas? I’m gonna go with yours. Mine? Okay. -Tiebreaker.
-Yeah, yours. Me? Oh, that’s me! Oh, you got one, though. Murr: Joe wins. How you doing?
Joe. Murr: Now,
Joey’s traditionally been very, very good
at this game, right? [ Sighs ] I don’t give a [bleep]
what he’s been. [ Laughter ] Tell me a little bit
about food availability in your neighborhood. Murr:
Here we go, Joey. Just things have changed,
and it’s, like, how many restaurants
that come in and out. Murr: Oh. Oh! I mean,
it’s a pretty good bar area, so they have,
like, the… Murr: It’s our friend
Rob Emmerett. [ Laughter ] And plus, also just living
on the Lower East Side, like, there are
so many things that are just open
late at night. [ Laughter ] Do you normally
have delivery or — You see Rob always
brings the goods. Okay, and talk to me
about breakfast. So, breakfast,
do you… Joe just asked
the hard-hitting question, “Talk to me
about breakfast.” [ Laughter ] I find myself usually
going to brunch in, like, East Village, that, like,
kind of SoHo area, and it has
some healthy options and… [ Laughter ] Murr:
Oh, my God! Okay,
brunch is good. Just, like,
an egg dish or — Murr: Wow. Joe, look at
the middle lady. Oh, my God! [ Laughter ] Who eats a hot dog
like that? Avocado toast with like — I’m a big fan of — I just recently
got into the avocado toast. How did he not laugh? Yeah, he didn’t laugh. Okay, so talk to me
about lunch. Lunch? [ Laughter ] All right. We’re sending
the big gun — our big gun. Well, I love it
just ’cause it’s so close to me. Like… Q: Oh, it’s Simmy! That is
Simmy Kustanowitz, the network executive
from truTV. Well, it’s at my favorite venue,
Bowery Ballroom, and then
the time before that, I saw Maren Morris,
who’s, like, a country singer. Oh! Is he gonna share
the doughnut with you, Joe? Went to the Grammys. Oh! Joe gets no doughnut.
No doughnut! Oh, no! …’cause it’s so small and,
like, intimate so you can — Talk to me
about snacks. [ Laughter ] Hey, Sal, this is what the kids
call a walk in the park. We have to get you to laugh. [ Laughter ] You guys all talk a good game. You all keep talking
this good game. -All right.
-You watch. Look at me. -Ready?
-Yeah. Watch this. -Ooh.
-Ohh. -All right.
-Ohh! Fart noise. [ Laughs ] [ Laughter ] I didn’t even make
the fart noise. I said the words
“fart noise.” That’s what was funny
about it. Hey, how are you, bud? What’s going on?
My name’s Sal. Zachary?
Pleasure to meet you. Let me go help this guy. Yeah, go get him, Tiger. How often do you feel
the need to update your software and things like that kind of stuff? I mean, I have a laptop,
but I really don’t use it anymore because of
the new technology… -Right.
-…like the smartphones and things like that.
It’s just… As far as — sorry. I’m trying to think,
’cause we go through all the things
we have. Oh, it’s not over yet,
buddy. This is gonna haunt
your dreams, my friend. Talk to me about your opinions
on the subway system. Depending on public
transportation, as far as — there’s
a lot of idiotic people that’s on the train
that does stupid things just to hold
the train door, so… [ Laughs ] …for no reason at all. [ Coughs ] They have nothing better
to do or anywhere — anywhere else to go. -Oh, my God!
-I know. [ Laughs ] Ohh! They do have good plans
for public transportation -and a good…
-Oh, my God! Subway system sucks. Yeah, the train is horrible. The train is awful. Yeah, as far as getting around
to the, like, different boroughs. I’m next. Let’s see what
I got up my sleeve. Just please elaborate on… Q has guaranteed us
that he’s got this. I trust him. -He’s got it.
-He’s got it. Do you online bank? -Yes, I do.
-Okay. [ Wagner’s “Bridal Chorus”
plays ] [ Laughs ] Joe: It’s your father… marrying Q! He’s not giving him away. [ Laughter ] Aah! You may now kiss the bride! [ Laughter ] Oh, we’re done.
We’re done here. We’re done here. [ Buzzer ] [ Laughter and applause ] -It’s all right.
-You know, you usually laugh the hardest when you’re not
supposed to laugh, right? That’s right. Sometimes we just
can’t stop laughing. We can’t hold
it together. We put together a couple clips for you of us all breaking. Let’s take a look. How many of these can you fit — [ Laughs ] [ Laughing ] How long
are you in town? How long are you in town? I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!
[ Laughing ] “The most private things I’d like to admit is… my breath smells
like fingers.” [ Laughing ] Keep it together.
Keep it together. [ Laughter ]
He can’t keep it together. [ Laughter ] Ow!
[ Laughs ] [ Laughing ] “Other ways to lose your
identitties.” There — there’s a… [ Laughing ] I can’t do it. I can’t — I can’t do it. I can’t do it.
I can’t do it. There’s the Deluca boy. [ Laughs ]
I’m sorry. You want to come on, man? What?
Sal’s gone. We doggies, don’t you know? [ Laughter ] Yes. Here we go. That is… [ Laughs ] It looks like… me stepping on Chinese children. [ Sniffles ] I just got emotional. We’ve known
each other 24 years now. That was the hardest I think
I’ve ever seen you laugh. You have the thing
in your ear, too, and everybody’s
laughing in your ear. That’s what you guys maybe don’t
get at home, I guess. -Right, right.
-‘Cause, like, I hear you guys laughing in that,
as well. See, I usually hear you guys
laughing at me. [ Laughter ]
-Yeah, yeah. We laugh at you a lot. No kidding you laugh
at me a lot. You’re a jerk,
but you’re our jerk. All right, well,
I’ll take that.